there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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