i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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