but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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