We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
