I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
