yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
