Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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