i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
