I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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