idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
