you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
