i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm always down for nudity.
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