I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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