If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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