i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
