So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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