He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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