Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
