What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
