one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
As shirtless as possible
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
