can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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