My liver just broke up with me...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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