Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
