This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
