Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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