why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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