Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
