well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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