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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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