I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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