Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
