JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
