and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
