franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
