I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
