I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
