I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
