It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize