I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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