you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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