do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize