In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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