I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
