mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I didn't notice because vodka
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
