I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
