I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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