he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
