i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
