I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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