If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
