i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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