i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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