I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
