My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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