Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize