I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
