I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
