I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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