Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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