It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
vagina is talking i cant
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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