I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
