yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
