I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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