She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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