if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
