cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
