Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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