does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
