Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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